


King of Denial

by KodaOfHeart



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Autism, Awkward Crush, Coming Out, Feelings Jams, First Kiss, Fluff, Homecoming, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Character, Other, Prom, School Dances, Shyness, Synesthesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 18:01:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20475239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KodaOfHeart/pseuds/KodaOfHeart
Summary: When Dave's crush in school comes out as a boy, he sadly mourns the death of his feelings for them. But before long, he realizes the feelings never actually died, and now he has to deal with seeing the kid look dapper and lonely at Homecoming. How long can he deny these feelings for?Please mind the notes at the beginning for mentions of things too small to tag :)





	King of Denial

**Author's Note:**

> This was HELL to format omg! I have no idea how this little idea for a fic became so long...
> 
> MENTIONS but not enough to be worth tagging: Kanaya, Rosemary, Roxy, Dirk, Swords, Scars, Smuppets, Death of parents via car accident
> 
> Raten Teen & Up for language and Dave's colorful metaphors
> 
> About this OC: Koda is a nonbinary/transmasculine kid (Dave's age - I just like saying kid) who's very timid, has autism, OCD, and synesthesia. Whenever they're in a scene, the characters have colored text, since that's what they see when they talk!
> 
> And as always, keep in mind my writing style is very casual, so I apologize for any grammar or structure mistakes. My Twitter is @ClownDefeated, lmk if you liked this or if you want to learn more about Koda!

It's 7:37 on a foggy August morning, an unnecessarily early and specific time for the bell to ring signaling the start of class. Most kids immediately slump into their seats, too tired to be as rambunctious and obnoxious as they usually are. Some of them notice a small student with black hair pulled back into a ponytail, a hoodie of many unsaturated colors, and dark eyes that never meet anyone else’s, who rushes to their seat after concluding a serious and private talk with the teacher. If the other kids were any more alert, they might notice said student shaking slightly and trying to take deep breaths to counteract the trembling. But they aren’t, so they don’t. This particular student is invisible to pretty much every kid in every class. Not literally invisible though. Oh how they wish they could be literally invisible.

The teacher stands and addresses the class, way too bright and cheerful for the time of day.

“Hello, class!” she begins. After an expectant pause, and repeats eagerly, “I said _hello class_!” A few mumbles ring out, which is apparently satisfactory. She continues, “I’d like to start the day by reintroducing one of our students!”

Oh fuck, the shy student thinks, tensing up in their seat. No no no do NOT do this right now. Please, oh god, don’t let this be what I think it is-! The teacher gestures her hand directly at the now-panicking high schooler, since she cannot hear the string of prayers and curses in their head.

“Ms. Foglia over here is now a boy and goes by Koda! Let’s give it up for Koda!”

Koda crosses their arms on the desk and shove their face into the pile of baggy sleeves, their face burning hot as they know that everyone is staring at them. But even without seeing, the sounds tell the whole story. They hear some chuckling, some snorts and scoffs, lots of quiet talking, and a few stray claps that only exist to please the teacher and hopefully prevent her from pushing the subject. It works, as the teacher moves on gleefully to the homework collection. Koda keeps their face in their arms as much as they can for the duration of class, each glance upward rewarding them with seeing tons of pairs of eyes glued on them with judgment of the highest degree.

By the end of the class, many of the kids have formed strong, die-on-this-hill opinions about Koda’s gender and name, and have strategically planned their assault. Some students plan an active route of direct bullying, while others passively start spreading the news which quickly snowballs into rumors. Other students have forgotten, or could not give less of a fuck if they put their heart and soul into it. For one student, this day marks the end of a crush, since Koda’s a boy now, and boys can’t crush on boys.

Right?

Koda went through junior year facing an unbearable onslaught of bullying and discrimination, not just at school. Anyone could tell they were just a miserable kid who ran and hid from any social interactions, eating lunch in the art room and walking home instead of facing the hell named Bus 578. They wore more hoodies and beanies (when the school and weather allowed), no longer using makeup, and using the health room’s bathroom. It’s not that the school’s staff wouldn’t let them in the men’s, it was the other students who had a problem with it. The ace bandages hurt their chest enough, they didn’t need any more blunt attacks on their body to go with it.

But the summer after, something amazing happened. No one else would call it amazing, so Koda never spoke of it, but the bottom line was that now Koda felt freer than they ever did in their life. They arrived at school for class (which still inexplicably started at 7:37) on day one of senior year looking like a brand new person. They had a guy’s tank top over their proper binder, gray shorts showing off unshaven legs, and hair that was shaved on both sides with a short, bright pink floof on top.

Even with this new confidence, however, they were still extremely shy and socially inept. Within a few days they had a new hoodie, and within a few weeks they opted for wearing jeans and beanies again. They finally loved how they looked, but could feel everyone’s stares, and wasn’t ready to face that for very long. The attention was very unnerving, so they shrunk back into the shadows. But if you watched them, you might notice them smiling to themselves more often, drawing more, and listening to music while they tried not to flap their hands to the pretty beats. Few students noticed these changes, and one student cared, but totally very much not in a gay way. He’s just happy that his old crush is living their best life, that’s all. Old crush. Not current. Past.

Koda’s new look didn’t help Dave Strider’s internal battles about his feelings, and neither did their fresh formal outfit when he spotted them at Homecoming that year.

Dave very, very much did not want to go to Homecoming. Dances weren’t his thing, they were lame and the kids were overly sexual and the songs were never anything decent. He was planning to spend the evening like he did during every school dance in the past: drowning in smuppets, practicing strifes, or mixing sick beats. Just like any other day. While he had promised his friends he’d go to prom to complete their quartet of suckers that will pay $90 for a chance to get your ears blown out to shitty music while your classmates practice their sex ed lessons in the middle of the dancefloor, he didn’t expect to lose a bet and end up dragged along to Hoco too.

His kind-of-sister Rose picked him a nice outfit with the help of her long-distance girlfriend, so he swaggers up to the place in a shiny red button-down tucked into black pants, a white bowtie, and black suspenders to keep it all together. His hair is styled in a way that looks effortless but took literally an hour to perfect, and his shades prevent him from seeing much of anything in the dimly lit room. But he still walks with confidence in each step, even as he awkwardly lingers around his friends. He stays closest to Rose, who finds the event a fantastic opportunity to observe and analyze how adolescents behave in an environment such as this. The two aren’t too keen on dancing, unlike the brunette duo of the group. Dave feels a little better when she’s around; she’s a familiar face who won’t drag him into doing anything stupid like the Cupid Shuffle. He’s able to just enjoy the irony of the event, and play it cool.

Dave, however, almost loses his cool when he sees Koda enter the room. Almost. With his cool securely in place and his glasses concealing his gaze, he lets himself take a good look at them. They wear a simple gray button-down with a black bow tie, black pants, and the floof of their hair - which is now faded into a light pinkish-orange - gelled into a quiff. They walk along the wall of the gymnasium, taking a look around, or at least trying to. They seem to be blinking a lot, and looking off in seemingly random directions with a growing smile. They find a spot they deem an acceptable distance away from the grinding mass of bodies, and slide down the wall until they sit on the floor, pulling out their phone.

Dave watches Koda for way too long. No matter how many times his inner monologue circles around to calling him creepy and comparing him to famous stalkers, he still finds his gaze seeking out Koda, who remains seated against the wall. The wallflower seems to always be either on their phone or leaning back with their eyes closed and a little smile on their face. Occasionally, he catches them flapping their hands in a rhythmic way to the songs playing, but the moment they catch themselves doing it, they stop and look around embarrassingly. One time, their gaze caught Dave’s, and their eyes widened as they turned away almost immediately. He turns away too, looking for his friends who have wandered off. He spots Rose first, reapplying her makeup in a little mirror she keeps in her knitted bag.

“Hey, my dude, pal, buddy, coolest chick here-” Dave begins, sliding up to her side.

“What favor are you about to ask of me, Dave?” she interrupts.

“What?” he holds his hand over his heart with a dramatic gasp. “I can’t just want to spend some quality bro-sis time with you?” Rose raises her eyebrows in response, hitting the volleyball of conversation back over to his side of the net. Dave squirms a small bit under her glare. “I have, uh, an issue? I mean, I guess it’s not really an issue, or a problem of any kind, no conundrum here-”

“Will you stop being a sentient thesaurus and tell me what’s the matter?” She’s gotten used to interrupting his rambles and tangents at this point. Dave sighs and shoves his hands in his pockets, needing to do something with them, rolling some lint between his fingers.

“So, uh, remember Koda?” he admits quietly. He knows this is all he has to say for Rose to get the whole story, but he also knows she won’t leave it at that. Her knowing smile confirms these predictions.

“The boy you had a crush on?” she clarifies.

“Woah, I felt that way before he was a dude,” he defends.

“It’s my understanding that he has always been a boy.”

There’s no hesitation between responses, these siblings are very quick-witted. “Then that’s on me for not knowing that. Big ol' whoopsie on my part.”

Rose sighs. “Fair enough, I suppose. What about him? I haven’t heard you bring him up since his coming out last year.”

“He’s, uh, here.” Rose knows this must be quite a big deal to make the smooth Strider son stumble his speech. She looks around, following to where she caught Dave staring earlier, and sees the kid drumming their hand on their leg, looking up in awe at the kaleidoscopic lights on the ceiling and in their mind.

“So he is,” she confirms, turning back to the blonde. “He looks nice tonight, cleans up rather well, wouldn’t you say?” Dave doesn’t answer her, he just keeps looking at Koda, Rose’s words barely registering. He figures that must be because it’s so loud, he can barely hear her.

Rose continues, “Why don’t you go talk to him?”

“What?” his head whips around.

“When was the last time you two talked? Before the crush ended when he came out?”

“I guess.”

She pauses, then her lips curl into a smug smile. “That crush _did_ end, didn’t it, Dave?”

“Fuck, yes! Absolutely,” he shouts before she even got his name out. He takes a deep breath, slowing his words so he can pick these next few ones carefully. “But, hypothetically, if there existed some alternate timeline, an offshoot of our reality, where it _didn’t_ end, um, what then?”

Rose shrugs casually, but beams internally, watching her brother learn to accept something she’s long since known and accepted in the both of them. “Then the Dave in that timeline still has feelings for the Koda in that timeline, which would be _fine_, by the way, and he should go talk to him. Especially if the Koda in that dimension looks as sad and lonely as he does in this one.”

Dave looks back at Koda, whose eyes are closed now, hands flapping slightly again, their body swaying side to side. He takes another deep breath, cracks his knuckles and his neck, and shakes out his arms. Rose watches in anticipation for her brother to take the first step. But Koda must sense they’re being stared at, as their eyes shoot open and land straight on the blondes. Dave chickens out the moment he sees their gaze catch his, then turn away shyly.

“Nah, he looks like he doesn’t want to be bothered,” Dave mumbles, shoving his hands back in his pockets and tensing up again. The blonde girl sighs.

“Really? I don’t believe I could understand why someone would attend a purely social event such as this, alone, and wish to stay alone for the duration of the night.” However, she can remember seeing Koda at all the middle school dances she attended to meet pretty girls or spite her mother. She recalls how Koda sat under the railing of the stairs each time, alone. Every time, she wondered why they came, what they were trying to gain or possibly escape from. They always had nice dresses, but weren’t ever Rose’s type, probably because they weren’t really a girl inside. She vaguely remembers one time in 6th grade when Koda was asked to dance by some popular guy, but it ended up being some sort of cruel prank or lost bet situation. After that, Koda avoided anyone who approached them at dances, including Rose when she’d try to befriend them.

“I’ll go with you,” Rose bargains.

“No way, Rosé.”

She shrugs. “Guess I’ll talk to him myself, then,” and with that she walks in their direction.

Dave doesn’t comprehend what she said in time to stop her. He reaches out with a shout of “No, shit, don’t!”, but she’s too far ahead, and he doesn’t want to run up and cause a scene, especially within eyesight of Koda.

Koda is lost in the beautiful swirls of the music when they feel a gentle tap on their shoulder. They jump out of their skin, eyes flying open, seeing someone kneeling in front of them. Past the lights and colors that still swirl their vision, they can make out Rose Lalonde, a girl they’ve gone to school with for years, and who they’ve occasionally shared a class with. They know that she’s really good at English class, and is a big hit in the crafting and debate clubs. She’s always intimidated Koda, especially since Koda figures that she’s dating Dave, as they hang around each other all the time.

“Oh, I’m so sorry to startle you!” she says, her lavender voice flowing sweetly from her black lips. Koda catches their breath, embarrassed for having such a dramatic reaction at her just tapping their shoulder. They usually try to get the hell out of dodge if they see anyone approaching, but they must’ve been enjoying the music too much. They figured after so many dances and so much time passing at this one, people would stop approaching them. Fears start to bubble up in their mind for why she’s approaching them now. But from what they know, Rose isn’t the person to talk to them as some sort of joke, or hit on them out of pity, or whatever other bullshit their classmates have pulled on them. So instead of scrambling to leave, they just look down at their fidgeting fingers and do their best to have a conversation.

“I-It’s fine,” they try to let out a laugh that seems casual, but they know she picks up on how forced it sounds.

“I wanted to see how you were doing, you looked lonely over here.” Her voice is very calming.

“Uh, yeah, I came here by myself.” That’s obvious, dude.

“That’s very courageous of you.” Koda almost admits to the decision to come stag not exactly being a choice since they don’t have friends, but fortunately Rose extends her hand before they can embarrass themselves some more. “My name is Rose. I know we’ve had some classes together, but I don’t believe we’ve ever had a formal introduction.”

“Oh! Yeah, I’m, uh, Koda,” they stammer out, despising every failed syllable that drops from their mouth. They shake her hand, noting its softness, and glances up at her eyes. They’re a very pretty purple, the same shade as her voice and her knitted bag. The eye contact doesn’t last more than a second before Koda looks behind her at the mass of adolescent bodies moving together in the gym.

“It’s a pleasure to finally talk to you, Koda,” she says, making Koda smile against their wishes. They know it’s dumb, but anyone who uses their real name makes them ecstatic. They nod, and wonder why she actually came over. Maybe she’s just trying to befriend them, is this how friendships start?

Before their mind can come up with a verbal response, she continues, getting to the point. “I wanted to ask, do you know my brother Dave? Strider?”

A thousand thoughts bombard Koda at once, almost more overwhelming than the flashing lights are starting to be. Koda had had a thing for Dave ever since he moved in from Texas back in 8th grade. He’s a smooth-talking, witty class clown with somewhat hidden passions for photography and archaeology. He never fails to keep Koda entertained in class, or impressed by his photos, or second-hand embarrassed from his attempts at rapping. He acts like he’s the coolest kid in the world, but he’s far from popular. Sure, tons of girls (and some guys) crush on him, but he seems to stay pretty loyal to his friends and girlfr- wait did Rose say brother? They’re siblings?? I mean, yeah, they’re both blonde and seem to know each other very well, and I guess that I can’t recall actually seeing them be affectionate towards each other, so maybe that makes sense? Wild how far off I was though. Wait does that mean Dave might be single? Shit don’t think about that too hard.

Then, the final thoughts emerge, the ones that allow fear to sink into their stomach and begin to fester. Why would Dave Strider’s sister come up to me and ask me if I know the guy? They start to consider if maybe it’s _him_ that’s setting them up for some big joke where they’re the punchline, and they hope to death that that’s not the case. But, if it’s not, what else could it be? Maybe he caught them stimming and is too scared to ask them himself about it. Or it could be some trans-related question he doesn’t have the balls to ask to their face.

“Y-Yeah,” is what exits Koda’s mouth as the result of all those thoughts and split-second panic attacks.

“I was wondering what you thought of him,” Rose says nonchalantly, appearing oblivious to Koda’s worries.

The question catches them off-guard, with their first instinct being to admit that they thought Rose and Dave were a couple, but they stop themselves in time and try to pick out a half-decent answer. What sort of answer is she even looking for, though? Should I seem like I like him, or hate him? Think he’s cool or lame? Sibling relationships are weird, I don’t know what she hopes I think. Maybe she’s just going around taking a poll of what people think about him, so she can win some bet or something. Yeah, that’s probably why she’s talking to me. They try to choose their words carefully.

“He’s… funny.” Rose smiles at this, so they continue. “He tries to make people laugh, which I like. I think he’s cool.”

She scoffs. “You honestly think my brother is anything resembling ‘cool’? Even with those idiotic shades that he refuses to take off?”

Koda shrugs. “Yeah, he’s easy to talk to because of them.” Rose understands, noticing Koda’s lack of eye contact, and nods, looking back into the crowd of kids as well. The two spot Dave off on the side with John and Jade. His body is angled so that he has a clear view of Rose and Koda, even if he appears to be looking at the friends right in front of him.

“I asked because he wanted to check in on you, but was a tad too cowardly to do it himself.” This sends another million thoughts, questions, and fears into the clusterfuck of Koda’s mind.

“What? Why?” they stammer out. She sighs. Dave seems to squirm; he must see the two looking over at him.

“He’s dealing with his own conflicts, unfortunately. Battles he’s electing to fight on his own.”

"Oh… I-Is he weirded out by, you know..?” Koda doesn’t want to bring the conversation here, but they have to know. It’s a matter of safety, even if the answer might break their heart. Rose turns and her own heart hurts due to Koda’s fearful expression.

“Oh, goodness no! Our family is very LGBT-friendly.” Koda looks up at her expectantly, and Rose explains, “Of my siblings, Dirk is gay, Roxy is nonbinary, I’m lesbian, and Dave is…” she takes a deep breath. “Well, it’s not my business if he doesn't wish to talk about it. Perhaps I’m just hopeful of completing the set.”

Koda listens with wide eyes, learning so much in one small conversation. “Really? D-Do the others go to this school?” They’ve never met another nonbinary person, and the idea both frightens and energizes them.

“No, our family is quite scattered, and incredibly complicated. I just call them my siblings for simplicity.” That explains the last names.

“Dave is in my photography class,” Koda speaks up, grasping for the confidence to talk. “I-I didn’t know he really knew I existed, let alone cared to see how I’m doing.” Some of that isn’t the entire truth, though. Koda and Dave had had the occasional class together earlier in high school, and even some group projects together. But Koda was more reserved than usual around him, since being near their crush made them incredibly nervous, and it had taken all of their concentration to not shake, stim, or throw up. In sophomore year, Dave became more distant from them in particular, and after coming out, he treated them with the same stoic, ironic, cool kid shtick he gave everyone else. When they were forced to interact, that is. Koda couldn’t figure out if he was treating them as just another bro, or if he was weirded out.

“Trust me, Koda,” she stands and stretches her legs. She reaches a hand down to Koda, who takes it and stands up as well. “He knows you exist." Wait, what does THAT mean?? "Do you want to go say hello? Some of our other friends are here too. I don’t know if you know John or Jade, but they’re very nice.”

“Oh, uh, n-no thank you. I mean, not right now. I, um, need to step outside? For a moment? I’ll be back, I promise.” They attempt to sound as polite as possible and not completely turn down her request. While making new friends and talking to a long-time crush of theirs does sound like everything they’ve ever dreamed of, it seems a bit too much all at once. They need to get outside, to where the music isn’t too bright. Rose nods with a smile, probably saying something, but Koda is already walking away without realizing how fast they’re absconding. They crash into the gym doors and gasp in the fresh, cool air, and the quieter sounds.

Inside, Rose walks back to Dave, who’s trying to look as calm as he can but is failing at it.

“Not cool, dude. What did you even say? You made him run for the goddamn hills!” He’s glaring, Rose doesn’t need to see his eyes to know that.

“We just chatted, calm down. He needed fresh air, that’s all.”

“Bullshit,” he growls, pushing past her towards the door Koda exited through. Rose has rarely seen Dave so visibly angry, so this must be really important to him.

Koda jumps when the door beside them is flung open and someone rushes out - that someone being none other than Strider himself. Dave turns and immediately stills when he locks eyes with Koda. They stare at each other as the door slowly closes, the sound of which startles Koda back into reality, so they stare down at their shoes, already blushing at being alone outside with _him_.

“Hey, man,” Dave starts, already uncomfortable with the silence. His bright red voice is always nice to Koda’s ears, even if it lacks a lot of emotions. Koda gives their signature two-finger salute-wave, not trusting their voice enough to return the greeting. It’s nice that he called me “man” though. Unless he calls everyone that. Or unless he’s one of those people that tries to make every sentence include validating words until it becomes obnoxious- stop overthinking!

“So, you’re probably out here to get away from everyone, which I totally get. It’s honestly super fucking gross in there. Kids are getting all up in each other’s- you know I’m not even gonna finish that. Dances are intolerable as all hell, I know that, and Rose probably didn’t make it any better. So. Sorry about her, I guess. Whatever she told you made you run like a fuckin’ bat outta hell. Like the devil hired an exterminator to spray some nasty bat-killing poison shit all up in your nice cozy hell cave, and you flapped your weird skin-wings all the way up to… what was I saying? Right. Sorry about whatever Rose told you, it was probably sarcasm anyways.”

Koda has always let Dave ramble on as long as he wanted (which sometime lasted ages), and such remains true now. They stand quietly, chuckling a little at the detailed metaphor. They sway a bit to the beats that pierce the thick school walls, listening to Dave and trying to focus on what the hell he’s saying. Don’t focus on his endearing little accent he got from Texas, or the candy red of his voice, or his tall presence which is mostly legs, or-

“Cool. Sweet. Good talk. Uh,” and with that elegant goodbye, he turns back towards the door.

Koda hadn’t realized he had stopped talking and awaited a response, and they practically shout, “Wait!” Their own voice startles them, almost going as bright as Dave’s, and they adjust their pitch and volume. Dave is frozen, though, looking at them. Koda looks at his shades, which is much easier than looking into eyes. “Uh, s-she didn’t say anything, anything bad. She was nice, I mean. I-I just needed to come outside. For a minute.” Good, you’re speaking, congrats! Maybe English a little better there next time, huh?

“Alright, cool. Just disregard anything she told you about me, ‘kay? Please and thank you.” The part where you apparently know I exist and care about me to some degree? They can’t stop the thought from becoming spoken word.

“She just said you care- cared enough to want to see how I was doing,” Koda mumbles, looking down at the suddenly very interesting grass.

“Oh. I mean, that’s true.” Koda raises an eyebrow, looking back up at him. He’s usually very talkative, and an explanation of that confession would be very much appreciated right now. But he just takes a step back to lean on the wall a few feet apart from where Koda does the same. He looks up at the few stars visible from this city-adjacent little town, and Koda looks down at their own fidgeting feet. Out of the corner of their eye, they see Dave shove his hands into the pockets of his pants. He’s clearly uncomfortable with the silence, but is building up walls. So Koda decides to push a little, see how much give the walls have.

“Why didn’t you talk to me yourself, then?” they ask softly.

“You looked like you wanted to be left alone,” he shrugs. "See, Rose doesn't care, she'll bother anyone. But I'm a considerate motherfucker."

“Not _wanted_ to be alone. I guess more like, expected?”

“Why’d you come, then?” Koda thinks that the different shades of red dancing back and forth as they take turns speaking looks very nice. Some people are nice to talk to for this reason.

“Uh, I-I used to go to all the dances to get away from stuff, ya know? Now I guess it’s a habit. Plus, it’s an excuse to dress up, isn’t it?” they straighten their bow tie to emphasize their point, which Dave glances down to see. Koda swears they can see a single muscle in his cheek twitch, possibly trying to form a smile, but being urged down by whatever makes Dave so stoic.

“Sure is. Suits fit you, too, a lot better than dresses did.” Koda’s heart seizes. Did he really just…? “I mean shit if you wanted to be a guy in a dress more power to ya, god knows Rose was trying to get me fitted for some real ballgown action, but her girlfriend - who I’m still kind of doubting the existence of, it's the classic "she's not from around here" bit - said I didn’t have the hips for one. The gods bless my brother who wears nothing but tank tops and jeans nice full birthing hips and I get nothing? It’s rigged I tell you.” His words just keep on coming, but Koda’s hooked on him saying they looked nice in a suit. Dave! Fucking! Strider! Thinks I look nice in a suit!! They feel their cheeks turn pink with heat, and look up at Dave to make sure he isn’t looking at them. He’s looking down, in a weirdly vulnerable sort of way. He’s digging a small patch of grass out of the earth with his foot, not seeming to care how it will stain his shiny black shoes. Koda thinks of his glasses, and how he probably wouldn’t even notice their blush if he was an inch from their face- do NOT think about that!

“Can you even see in those?” Dave looks up at Koda, not expecting that question. “I-In the shades, I mean. It’s pretty dark out, even inside.”

“Not particularly,” he monotones.

“Can I try them on?” That was a really dumb question, the fuck? Dave’s eyebrows shoot up, definitely not expecting that. He shrugs and reaches up, surprising himself as he walks over to Koda, plucking off his shades and handing them over to them, warning them to be careful with the merchandise. He blinks a few times to adjust to the light, as low as it is, and watches Koda carefully for a reaction. Everyone has some sort of reaction when they see his eyes, and he wants to get this out of the way. He’d normally never do this to anyone he isn’t incredibly close to, so why does he feel so inclined to say yes to Koda?

Koda never even looks at his eyes, however. Their gaze is locked onto the shades, and follow them as they’re in his hands. They know that he wears the shades constantly, never taking them off, and usually explains such behavior with “I have sensitive eyes, Karen” or something about them being ironic. Koda figures that he might be insecure about his eyes for some reason, maybe there’s scars or some other deformity. Out of respect, they’re careful not to look, and just appreciate this moment of intimate vulnerability surrounding what must be a huge - and unexpected - gesture of trust. Koda takes the glasses, careful to touch the sides and not the lenses or his hands. They slip the aviators on and drown in the intensified darkness of the already poorly-lit parking lot around them. Their eyes slowly adjust after a moment, and they can barely make out some street lamps.

“How do you keep these on at night? I can’t see a thing,” Koda chuckles. They don’t see Dave looking down at them, allowing one corner of his mouth to soften into a smile.

“Dedication to the craft. See, it’s all about irony. Only douchebags wear sunglasses at night, and I’m no douchebag, so, boom, ironic. Except it goes even deeper than that, levels upon levels of irony. You need a goddamn elevator to peruse the levels with how deep this shit goes.” This makes Koda laugh again. They look around, eyes beginning to let in more light to allow them to see the moon, and the outline of cars, the school behind them, and Dave - who’s still standing pretty close to them. They feel heat rise to their cheeks again, and get self-conscious since Dave is staring right at them shades-less, definitely capable of seeing it this time. Dave’s heart soars and his mind screams in confusion as the blush on this kid’s face absolutely melts him. They look ridiculous in the glasses, and he wonders if he does too when he wears them. Of course he does, that’s the whole point! Damn, keep up.

Before any more words can be spoken, any more thoughts can be thunked, and any more (literal or figurative) steps taken to close the (literal and figurative) distance between them, the door behind Dave crashes open. Koda jumps with a gasp, but Dave doesn’t react in a startled way at all, only quickly reaching forward and grabbing the shades off of Koda’s face and sliding them onto his own with lightning-fast speed. Koda blinks and tries to slow their heart rate and process what just happened. When he had removed the shades, Dave’s fingers had brushed the spots just above their eyebrow and the soft top of their cheek right below their eye. Those two spots tingle with electricity, but only for a moment before the voice of the <strike>cockblocker</strike> interrupter snaps them out of their head.

“Dave, there you are! Oh,” he sees Koda, who drops their gaze when their eyes meet. The boy offers a wave and a big, toothy smile. “Hi there!”

Koda recognizes this guy. John Egbert, a cute dork in their grade, friends with Rose, Dave, and his sister Jade Harley (another complicated family, they guess). Him and Koda haven’t ever interacted as far as they can remember, but they can recall seeing him at previous school dances, always on the dance floor, never knowing how to dance but never seeming to care.

Tonight he’s dressed very nicely: a blue blazer hangs open over a button-down which is slightly darker blue and patterns of little strikes of dark indigo and yellow. He wears a bright yellow tie that has blue dots in an unfamiliar pattern, almost like an upside-down question mark, or a fish hook. He also has his glasses and big goofy smile, but he wears those all the time. His upper teeth stick out a small bit over his bottom lip, just enough to be endearing. Koda thinks that he used to wear braces, but isn’t sure.

John turns back to the blonde. “Dave, dude, they’re playing our _song!_” Through the open door, Koda can hear a familiar “...alright now, we’re gonna do the basic steps: to the left, take it back now y’all, one hop this time…”

“Our song,” Dave deadpans, but means it as a sarcastic question.

“_Yes_, come _on_,” he whines, grabbing Dave by the arm, who stiffens up at the contact. He sees Koda standing back awkwardly, hands in their pockets. “You can join in too, of course!”

Dave shrugs off John’s grasp, making the smaller boy frown. “No, dude, no way in _hell_ are we doing the motherfucking _cha cha slide_.”

“I will if you will,” Koda pipes up behind him, the words leaving their mouth before they can even think them properly.

Both boys whip their attention to Koda, wide-eyed, then John grins and pokes Dave. “Ha! Now you have to! Or are you gonna leave us hanging? Is that what a bro does?”

Koda looks up at Dave, the fun song raising their confidence and in turn the smoothness of their actions. They lift an eyebrow and offer a half-smile.

“Fuck you,” Dave shoots at Koda, with no real bite in his words. “I can cha cha smoother than either of you could ever fathom, ever begin to handle. I was trying to save you from my amazing slidin’, criss crossin’, and whatever the hell a Charlie Brown is, but damn if y’all want to have your brains melt through your fucking ears and then put it in _reverse reverse_, well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Koda breaks out in laughter and John rolls his eyes, but smiles too, and drags Dave inside, with Koda following behind.

Dave and Koda regret their decision the moment they hit the part of the gym where the dancing begins. Koda usually loves these choreographed dance songs, but this time they’re hyper aware of the presence of their crush right beside them. John slides right into the rhythm, with Koda joining next, and Dave following after. Dave starts with the minimum movements, but after a challenging glare from John, they begin a very entertaining contest of who can do the dance with the most extra and grand gestures. Koda dissolves into laughter at the boys, barely catching their breath just in time to lose it again at seeing Dave attempt to cross the entire gym in six hops.

Half way through the song, Jade and Rose arrive to serve as an audience to the shenanigans, with Jade also losing herself to giggles and Rose watching with her arms crossed and an amused half-smile on her face.

The song ends, and Koda excuses themselves to get some water and calm down from the hysterics of those hilarious minutes. Bent over at the water fountain, they feel someone approach.

“Hi!” Oh, it’s just John. Koda has already memorized his shade of strong, pure blue, and the way his words form like bubbles which pop on certain consonants. “That was a lot of fun!” he laughs. Koda stands and steps to the side to let some other kids who are lingering around use the dispenser of lukewarm, metallic-tasting water. John follows, a friendly smile on his face, showing off adorable dimples. Noticing this makes Koda remember crushing on him in freshman year, but Koda’s found practically every boy in school cute for at least a day, which is a curse called being gay and not learning from my goddamn mistakes. The feelings had faded, as they did with all the others. Besides one. A small portion of Koda’s heart has remained rented out with Strider’s name on the lease contract. He never moves in, just leaves the place empty, but pays his rent in… where was this going? Dammit his metaphors are contagious.

Koda responds with a nod and a smile, “Yeah, you’re a good dancer.” They like to encourage boys to dance more, in order to get over some of their toxic masculinity that turns them all into dumb fuckboys who are all the same. Also because Koda finds that boys who can dance are extremely charming. But mostly the toxic masculinity thing.

He beams at them. “Thanks! You are too! Hey, you’re Koda, right?” Christ, everyone’s using my name today, this is amazing. They nod. “Cool, my name is John! Dave used to talk about you a lot, but I don’t think I ever met you!”

Koda’s brain short-circuits. He talked about me? “He talked about me?”

John opens his mouth, then closes it, then chuckles nervously and rubs the back of his neck with his hand. “Uh, yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Nothing bad though, I promise! Honestly I think he used to have a thing for you, when you were, you know, a girl.”

It’s at this point that Koda’s mind blanks out and their heart stops functioning properly.

“Anyways! Um, that song usually plays towards the end of parties, so we were going to head out, and find a diner or some place that’s open so we can hang out. Did you want to come with us? It’s fine if you can’t, or don’t want to, just thought I’d ask!”

Koda runs on autopilot. They agree to go, the others walk out into the hallway, and the five of them climb into Rose’s mom’s car and head off. All of this is a blur, as all their focus latches onto John’s words, which repeat in Koda’s head over and over and over: “_he used to have a thing for you_”. For some amount of time at some point in the past, Dave might have felt the same way about Koda as they felt about him. The thought of that baffles Koda and leaves them shocked, finally coming back down to Earth just to realize that they’re sitting in the back of someone’s car, squished up between John and Dave. This revelation makes their mind fuzzy again, and their head goes right back into the clouds. The dissociation also serves as a coping mechanism to deal with the overwhelming colors of arguing voices and loud music that’s being rapidly switched between genres.

They arrive at a well-lit diner, and Koda’s the last to exit the car, as they need to climb over some seats to do so. Their mind is still elsewhere, so they barely register Rose calling to the others, “You all head in, we’ll catch up.” All of the sudden, Koda is back in their body and alone with Rose outside somehow. They squint at the lights flooding out of the restaurant.

“Koda, are you still with us?”

“What?” They blink a few times, doing quick mental exercises to ground themselves, embarrassed that she (and probably the others) noticed their zoning out. “Y-Yeah. I’m good.”

“Are you overstimulated?” Koda’s surprised, words like that don’t usually come from other kids’ mouths. She must know a thing or two about autism. She does seem heavily interested in psychology, so that makes sense.

“Yeah, I was a bit. I-I’m good now, though.”

“You’re sure? You seemed to be spaced out pretty hard that whole car ride.”

“It happens,” they mumble. God, did everyone notice?

“Do you want me to take you home?”

Koda shakes their head. While this is getting mentally exhausting, and their stomach is bubbling with anxiety to protest all this meeting-new-people junk, they don’t want to back down and miss this chance at friendships, and maybe- no. Just friendships.

“Alright. But if at any point you change your mind, or need a break, or need us to quiet down, you can let me know, okay?”

They nod, even though they know that they won’t because they can’t. Saying no to unwelcome situations isn’t a skill they’ve yet acquired, so they typically opt for sneakily sliding out of situations before people even notice they’re leaving. That won’t work very well here, though, so if things get too much, they’ll have to either find their voice or suck it up, and they’re guessing that they’ll lean towards the latter if anything happens. But they smile at Rose, since no one else shows this level of care and understanding for this sort of stuff with them. It’s nice to know that people like her exist.

Rose nods with a soft smile, and heads inside with Koda following close behind and not knowing what to expect..

They two find the others quickly at a booth in the corner. They were easy to find, since Dave and John were arguing about something pointless and Jade took Dave’s side, which only made John debate louder in retaliation. Rose and Koda slide into the corner booth, with everyone sitting in the order of: Rose, Jade, Dave, John, and Koda. Koda’s partially grateful, partially disappointed, that they can’t sit beside Dave. But he is the only one that they feel comfortable looking at because of his shades, so it’s nice that they can see him clearly from this angle.

Conversations begin, with Koda resuming their usual social role as an observer rather than a participator. Koda notices that Dave talks with his hands a lot, which contrasts his facial expressions and tone of voice which barely change. The group soon orders food: Rose gets pasta, Jade gets meat, Dave gets a burger, John gets a sandwich, and Koda gets eggs. What’s a late-nite diner for if not breakfast at non-breakfast hours? They other kids try to include Koda in their conversations at first, asking questions about themselves here and there. The questions are easy enough, as most are basic things like how long they’ve lived in the area, or their opinions on things like Nic Cage (which Koda starts by answering honestly, but learns to just give whichever answer will please whichever person they’d like to see win the debate).

But they quickly see that Koda doesn’t like being the center of attention, so they all back off and let Koda listen comfortably. Having 4 people staring at you, hanging onto every word you say, isn’t very fun when you’re as shy as they are.

After a while, the food is all eaten, the kids are winding down, and the waitstaff are getting a bit annoyed by the loud teens hogging a table for over an hour after the plates have been taken away.

Koda’s gaze floats up to the ceiling, where a pop song dances out of the speakers. The deep purple bass guitar is their favorite, but the teal guitar and pink vocals are certainly nice, too. Rose notices, of course, and wonder if Koda would be more open to talking about themselves now that there’s just an audience of two rather than four.

“Can you see it, Koda?”

“Huh?”

“The music. You have synesthesia, am I correct?”

For a moment, Koda wonders how she knows that, but the memory comes back to them quickly. It had been during junior year in AP Psychology, a class they had shared with Rose. The teacher explained synesthesia during the unit about senses, and Koda had had an embarrassing and out-loud realization of “_wait, other people don’t see sounds?_” The teacher had been polite in explaining to them that no, they were pretty unique in that regard. The kids had even been mostly nice, approaching them with curiosity, a lot of them wanting to know what color their voice was. But when the questions had become frequent and demanding, they fled, resulting in more reasons for the whole school to think that they’re just a weirdo.

“Sin-e-what?”

“Synesthesia,” they correct under their breath.

“By definition, it’s the production of a sense impression relating to one sense or part of the body by stimulation of another sense or part of the body. Basically, it is when stimulation of one sense triggers the other senses to respond. It can manifest in many forms, such as hearing images, tasting words, or, like in Koda’s case, visualizing sounds.”

“Yeah, uh, that.”

“Seeing sounds? You see sounds, for real? That sounds like some shit that happens when you trip on the good stuff.”

“Woah, really? How does that even work?”

“I think I’ve heard of that! That’s really cool, Koda! Hey, what does my-”

John’s phone rings, making for a well-timed distraction from the Koda-centered topic. He makes the mistake of answering it at the table with a “Hi dad!”

Dave _immediately_ starts making obscene moans near the phone, Jade giggles and calls out “Pass the weed!” and even Rose joins in by calling out to the phone an amused “Really, John, you did what to one of his harlequins?” Koda just laughs, and watches John shrink in his seat, trying to wave his friends away and cover the phone so his dad hopefully doesn’t hear anything. But it obviously doesn’t work.

“What? No, no I’m not- dad it’s my friends- no they’re just being stupid. I’m at the diner like I said. I promise. No, dad, please-! Ugh, fine. Alright. Love you too.” He hangs up quickly and the others laugh at his face, which has bloomed red in embarrassment. “Thanks a lot guys, you’re all such great friends!” he says sarcastically, but can’t stop himself from chuckling too. “Seriously though, my dad says it’s getting late, and he’s coming to pick me and Jade up.”

“Really? Dang it!”

“Aw, what? That's bullshit.”

“Strange, we don’t have school tomorrow, and it’s only half past ten.”

They continue trading comments about how that isn’t fair, and teasing John for having a bedtime at 18 years old. His dad pulls up outside within minutes, and the two say their goodbyes to the others. John and Jade tell Koda it was nice to meet them, and they hope they’ll see them at school on Monday. Koda smiles politely and nods. Jade even offers a hug to Koda, who accepts it, not remembering when the last time they were hugged was. Oh yeah, at the- don’t think about that. Those were pity hugs. They don’t count.

John and Jade leave, and then there were three. They all slide back into the booth and order milkshakes; Rose gets pistachio, Dave gets Oreo, and Koda gets chocolate. The atmosphere has significantly changed since their numbers dwindled, at least from Koda’s point of view. The booth feels much bigger now, but even with a foot of distance between each kid, Koda’s still extremely aware of how they’re now sitting next to Dave. Stop being obsessed, dude. His crush on you, if it ever existed, is over. And earlier you were outside with him alone, so being relatively near him in a diner around other people is nothing at this point, stop being nervous stop thinking just stop!

“While this has been a grand old time, the senior Egbert was probably right. We probably should get going soon,” Rose pipes up, fortunately interrupting Koda’s thoughts.

“Shit, are you serious? It’s only like 11:03.”

Rose checks her phone briefly. “That it is. But I don’t think we have enough money on us to tip the waitstaff what they deserve for putting up with us much longer.” Dave rolls his eyes, which he does way too frequently considering no one ever sees it.

“Where to next, then?”

“Our respective houses, I’d imagine.”

“For realsies? Dude I don’t want to throw in the towel just yet. That towel is far from soiled, why waste a whole load of laundry on that one mostly-clean towel? That shit’s like a dollar seventy-five and hella bad for the environment-”

“Dave, nothing else is open at this hour. Nothing for underage students like us, at least.”

“I could sneak us into a nightclub.”

“No you couldn't.”

“Yeah, I couldn't. Fuck.”

Koda sips their shake, watching the two go back and forth. It’s entertaining, and makes them think of what they’d be like with their brother if he was their age and their friend. Dave turns to Koda.

“What do you think? You ready to turn in yet like some fucking boomer, or are you having fun?”

“Uh,” they stall. Don’t make me take sides!

“Dave,” Rose warns him, “don’t make him take sides.” Shit, is she a mind reader? “Especially when your question so heavily laced with wording bias. Come on, I’m sure Koda’s family is expecting him home at some sort of reasonable hour.”

“N-Not really,” they shrug. “My brother doesn’t care what I’m doing. I have nowhere to be. But if you want to go home, that’s alright.” They hope that that’s enough of an answer for them both, and also that neither of them push on why they said _brother_ and not _parents_.

Dave reluctantly agrees. The three finish their shakes, listening to Dave formulate an extremely convoluted plan to get them into the nightclub downtown. Before they leave, Koda puts some cash on the table to cover their drink and tip, and excuses themselves to the bathroom. The blondes say they’ll meet them at the car.

Koda goes into the handicap stall in the men’s room, grateful that no one else is in there, and paces around. They flap their hands and shake their head around, getting out some of the energy that they’ve been holding in. They take long, deep breaths, trying to settle their nerves that still make their body all jittery. They only hope that they didn’t do any stimming or shaking at the table; they’ve been pretty good about hiding that sort of stuff, but sometimes they catch themselves doing it when they shouldn’t be. Koda knows that they come off as weird, but they don’t want everyone to think that they’re the kind of freak who does that kind of stuff. A certain word that starts with an r comes to mind, and they hear it in their head in the familiar voices of their parents.

Koda also tries to calm themselves down since they’re trying to work up the courage to correct the others’ pronouns for them. They know they got outed as “a boy” in school, and while it doesn’t feel too bad to be called such, it’s just not accurate. They know that if they properly come out, they really have nothing to worry about, since these kids seem accepting, especially if the blondes have a nonbinary sibling already. It shouldn’t be hard, it shouldn’t be scary, but it is nonetheless. But I guess a lot of my fears don’t make sense, do they?

They check their phone and are alarmed to see that they’ve been in the bathroom for quite a bit, and don’t want the others to worry or think that they’re doing anything weird in there. So they give themselves a quick thumbs-up in the mirror, and head out. With each step, they rehearse the lines in their head. “Oh by the way, I’m nonbinary.” No. “Just so you know, I use they/them pronouns.” No, I'll just wait for them to get it wrong, then correct them. Ugh that’s dumb. How about, “No big deal, but I’m a they, not a he.” That’s not even grammatically correct!

They quietly make their way outside, weaving through the parking lot to find where Rose had left the car. As they round one van, Dave’s red voice pierces the air.

“_I know YOU wouldn’t care, but I would! I don’t WANT to be gay!_”

The words make Koda stop breathing, but they take another step to try to quiet the first stupid thought that pops into their head which is that can’t be Dave, can it?

Surely enough, there’s Strider, his back to Koda, talking to Rose who stands on the other side of the hood of the car. She has her arms folded over her chest, and her face in an expression that’s half annoyed, half concerned. She immediately spies Koda behind Dave as they step into the scene, and she opens her mouth to say something. But before she gets the chance, Dave leans against the hood onto his elbows, looking off to the side. He lowers his voice to a normal talking level.

“I mean, no offense. I don’t have a problem with you, or Dirk, or Roxy. You know I don’t. I just don’t want to join the club."

"Dave."

"Y’all keep sending me invitations like the fucking owls in Harry Potter-"

"Dave."

"-but there’s a tiny Uncle Vernon in my head ripping them to shreds before I can even-”

“Dave!”

“What?”

Rose puts a hand on her hip and uses the other to point to Koda. Dave whips around to see them standing there, frozen and wide-eyed. His heart stops for a long second.

“Oh _shit_.” He clears his throat, and like the flip of a switch, he's looping his thumbs into his suspenders, suddenly cucumbers-level of cool. “Ready to go? I could really fucking use some shut-eye right about now. Believe it or not, a princess like me still needs his beauty sleep.” Before anyone can respond to him, he throws open the passenger side door, and slides into the seat, slamming the door shut. Koda sees him inside, covering his face with his hands in frustration, slipping them beneath his sunglasses.

Koda can barely comprehend what the fuck they just walked in on. Why was Dave saying he isn’t gay? Wait, that’s not right. He said he doesn’t want to be. What the hell does that mean? It sure sounds like denial, but why would he deny something like that? His siblings have the whole rainbow going on it sounds like, and his friends are supportive. Also, why is he bringing this up now? Did Dave find a guy cute at the dance or the restaurant? …No. No don’t even think about that. Don’t entertain that thought for one goddamn second. It’s not you. But, would that explain why Rose approached you earlier, why she said that he knows I exist, and what John said…? Fuck. This boy will actually be the death of me.

Rose gives Koda a sincerely apologetic look, lowering her hands. “I’m sorry you had to see that. My brother is… working through some things right now. It’s not your fault.” What does THAT mean? Does it mean it’s not about me, or just that I shouldn’t feel guilty? Why can’t they just speak their minds clearly? And why am I just as incapable of simply asking what they mean?!

Sure enough, Koda gives a silent little nod, and climbs into the back seat without so much as a peep. Their mind is spinning, and their stomach has joined in with some flips of its own.

The car ride is entirely filled with Dave talking. He barely takes a breath. He talks about everything his mind can think to talk about. Every topic, that is, except the one surrounding what Koda had witnessed. Each time his rambles start to circle around to any subject within the general vicinity of that little incident, he stops himself cold, and jumps onto another train of thought some sort of goddamn vagabond. Koda had imagined the drive to be filled with awkward silence. But no, Dave made sure that there was not two full seconds without some sort of noise filling the air. At one point he even throws down some rhymes, providing his own beatboxing. Koda starts to feel like they’re drowning in his red voice after a while.

They soon pull up to some tall apartment complex, and Koda vaguely recalls the ride starting with Rose mentioning something about taking Dave home first since he lived right nearby. But how can that be true if the journey felt like it lasted an eternity?

The car slows to a stop outside the back entrance, where Dave had requested to be dropped off. Dave reaches for the seatbelt, but Rose lays her hand on his gently to stop him. He freezes and finally shuts up, looking at her quizzically. Rose looks in the rearview mirror at the kid who hasn’t said a word since they were in the diner. She hopes they aren’t uncomfortable, though it’s pretty obvious that something’s wrong in their little world.

“Koda?” Their head snaps up and they look at the back of Rose’s head. She smiles softly. “Dave’s leaving. Would you like to come around to the front seat?”

Not really, I’m fine hiding away back here. “Sure.” They unbuckle and step out, closing the door.

Rose rushes her words, knowing they only have a few seconds. “Dave, I know a thing or two about pining and overthinking things like this. So trust me when I say that this is an opportunity, and I would be very disappointed if you blew it.”

“What do I do?” he asks quietly, as if Koda was still within earshot.

“Invite him in,” she suggests. Then he sees her eyes move to some place behind him, and she smiles. He whips his head around, seeing Koda stand outside the door, hands in their pockets and looking at the ground. God, they’re talking about me in there, aren’t they?

Dave opens the door, his mind racing to consider his options. Each second is born and killed off way too quickly, time seeming to work against him as he stands up. He lingers in front of the open door, though, not allowing room for Koda to get in just yet. After a second, Koda looks up at him confusedly. _Fuck it._

“Wanna hang out?” he says, as nonchalantly as ever.

“W-What? 

He shrugs. “You said you got nowhere to be. Let’s hang.”

“Right now?”

“Why not?”

Koda blinks a few times, swishing the idea around in their mind.

“I mean, shit, I’m not forcing you or anything-”

“Sure.”

“Cool.” He takes a slow breath, trying to not show an ounce of how nervous he is right now. Despite his casual response, he’s amazed that that actually worked.

Koda ducks to look into the car at Rose. “Is that okay?”

She’s grinning. “I’m not his mom, Koda, and I’m not yours either. I’ve only ever been responsible for a cat and my own mother, both of which won’t even listen to me.”

“Right. Thanks for the rides, and, uh, everything else.” Koda does their best to hold eye contact, wanting to be as polite as possible.

“Yeah you’re super cool bye,” Dave interjects, slamming the door and making Koda jump a little. Rose rolls down the window, clearly not finished. Dave groans, mumbling something incoherent.

“Koda, do you have PesterChum?”

“Uh, y-yeah.”

“Add me on there, will you? My chumhandle is tentacleTherapist.” Koda nods, and she drives away, finally satisfied.

And then there were two.

They both walk into the building, and Dave leads them to the elevator. Meanwhile, Koda pulls out their phone to add Rose to their chum contacts, knowing if they don’t do it now they’ll forget later. Also because it gives them a good distraction for a moment, postponing the inevitability of having to converse alone with Dave. They shoot Rose a quick message, and receive one back almost immediately. She better not be driving right now.

\-- timidSynesthete [TS] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 22:56 --

TS: hey it’s Koda

TT: Hello Koda. Good luck with Dave, I’m glad you’re making friends. If you begin to feel uncomfortable or want to leave for any reason, you can message me, and I will come pick you up.

Damn, for her saying she’s not my mom, she’s sure acting like she is.

TS: sure thing, thanks

TT: No problem. Have fun.

\-- tentacleTherapist (TT) is now an idle chum! --

“Have fun”?

Before they know it, they’re in the elevator with Dave. They wonder how many times they are going to have to handle being alone with their crush today. The day has, in general, gone entirely different from anything they could have imagined happening, but they aren’t complaining.

“Damn, for someone who wanted to go home so badly, Rose sure likes to linger. It’s like when you have a bad taste in your mouth so you spit it out into a sink or a bush or whatever, but it doesn’t fly out all at once, so some spit just hangs there. That’s her. She’s the saliva that won’t let go.”

“Gross,” Koda comments, but does so through laughter. They notice the button he had pressed is the one for the top floor. They try to make small talk from it. “You live up high, huh?” As painfully awkward as it is, it’s a starting point.

“Sure do,” he responds without hesitation, leaning back against the wall with his thumbs hooked into his pockets. Koda looks up and watches the numbers on the wall’s digital board climb up and up and up. “Bro said it was cheapest. Something about 9/11 making rooms on top floors plummet in price, so even now it’s pretty affordable.”

“Huh, you learn something new every day. You live with your brother?”

“Yep. Just us bros.”

“I do too.”

“Y’all get along?”

Koda shrugs. “I guess. W-We used to, when we were kids. We grew apart when he hit college, though.” Dave nods in understanding. “What about you and yours?”

“We’re tighter than a virgin asshole. He’s everything I aspire to be, puppets and all.”

“...Puppets?”

“You’ll see.”

As if on cue, the elevator dings, and the doors open. Strider strides out first, with Koda following behind obediently. Dave stops at one door and holds out his hand to stop Koda. He kneels down and touches a tiny piece of white yarn that lays at the bottom of the crack where the door would open. It would be practically invisible, unless you were looking for it. Dave stands up and shakes his head.

“What is it?” Koda asks.

“My bro’s home.” His voice is low.

“Is that bad?”

“No. I mean… I guess not. It’s just a whole thing I don’t want you to get dragged into.”

Koda nods, pretending to understand, but doesn’t really. If his brother is so cool and they’re as tight as his gross metaphor claimed, why wouldn’t he want me to meet him? Transphobic, maybe? Nice of Dave to consider that, if that's the case. Koda supposes they’re grateful, though. Meeting yet another person seems a bit too much for them right now, plus they’re suddenly hit with the thought that this was probably going to end up in Dave’s bedroom anyway if they had gone inside. The thought of which sends anxiety and blush up their body before they can stop it, and they chastise themselves for not thinking this through when they agreed to it.

“What now, then?”

“Let’s go to the roof, come on.” Without thinking, he grabs Koda’s arm lightly and starts down the hallway. His touch is warm, and 99% of Koda’s brain is focusing on it.

“The roof?” they ask with the other 1%. The two reach a door that leads to a small fire escape outside. They start up the stairs together, Dave walking a little faster than Koda would expect from a guy who’s supposedly very chill during this.

“Hell yeah, dude. Me and my bro come up here a lot to strife and stuff. He’s so cool.”

“‘Strife’?”

“Yeah, you know, fight. With swords and stuff.”

Koda’s feeling a mixture of concern and amusement. “You swordfight with your brother?”

“More like he kicks my ass with his katana, but yeah. I’m getting better at it, though.” Koda has seen Dave come into school with cuts on various places on his body, and one significant scar still remains white and puffy across the side of his cheek near his ear. That can’t be from-? They pocket the thought for later, possibly to question him, or ask Rose about it, or just lay in bed coming up with a thousand explanations ranging from falling down stairs to awful abuse at home.

At this point, they reach the roof, and Dave steps quietly onto it, dropping his hands. Koda’s arm feels cold, missing the contact. So they hold their arms over their chest as if it were chilly outside, even though it’s very warm for a November night. They watch as he runs around, his steps somehow falling silently on the concrete rooftop. He checks behind each doorway, air conditioning unit, and even over the stairwells on the other sides of the building. Koda walks towards him, having also mastered the skill of walking noiselessly. Dave finally seems satisfied, and leans against one of the big machines.

“What were you doing?”

“Sometimes my bro likes to hide, and catch me off guard. Not today though. Lucky us.”

“Lucky us,” they parrot back, not exactly knowing what he means. Koda can't tell if Dave admires or fears his brother.

“Want to see my sword?”

“W-What?”

"It’s so badass, here look. I keep it hidden, since once I left one of my swords out and some goddamn crows flew off with it. Can you believe the nerves of those bastards? I hope those motherfuckers don't come back, I don't think I'd be able to take 'em in a strife.” 

He knocks on a seemingly random metal plate on the air conditioning unit behind him, and it pops open. Hitting it like he did should have made it fall inwards, but the container was stuffed, so the plate shot out onto the ground. What was the hiding spot stuffed with? Puppets. So, so many puppets. Dozens upon dozens of puppets of various colors and lewd positions spill from the hole. So many somehow fit into the tiny compartment that it reminds them both of clowns flooding from a clown car. They just keep coming.

After a comically long time of puppets falling out, Dave groans. Koda raises their eyebrows, unable to hold back laughter that bubbles out of their chest.

“Good ol’ Bro,” Dave comments, quickly erasing signs of disgust and annoyance from his expression. He reaches into the panel, brushes a few smuppet stragglers onto the ground with the rest of the pile, and grabs something inside. He pulls out a big and very real sword, which is far from what Koda expected. The sword is shiny, and heavy-looking, and-

“Why is it half-broken?”

“Don’t be such a pessimist, think of it as half-repaired. Wait. That doesn’t make sense. Point is it still works and is still completely, totally, entirely, 100% awesome.” He takes on a fighting stance, holding the sword out in front of him with both hands. He might look halfway intimidating if the sword wasn’t broken and if he wasn’t still in his charming red suit. Bowties, suspenders, and dangerous swords don’t really go together.

Koda just covers their mouth and chuckles, lowering the hand when they’ve swallowed the fit of laughter. But they can’t hide their smile. Dave glares at them, and they giggle again. “No no, i-it’s cool. Really.”

Dave narrows his eyes at them, they can see it in his eyebrows. “I get a feeling you don’t really mean that.”

“What? No. I’d never lie to you,” they quip back.

“That remains to be seen.” It’s hard for Koda to pick up on sarcasm sometimes, and Dave and Rose do use a lot of it they’ve noticed. But they try to keep telling themselves that if Dave really didn’t like them, he wouldn’t be up here on the roof with them. They roll their eyes at him. Then they look up and gasp, seeing so many stars from up here. More than the usual handful, that is. The night is clear and alight with energy. They can’t help but smile, picking out the constellations and telling their stories in their mind.

Dave follows their gaze up to see what they’re so amused by. Then he looks down at them again, standing up straight, letting the sword dangle at his side. “I guess you’re not one for strifes?” Koda shakes their head. He shrugs. “That’s fine. Have you ever even been in a fight?”

Koda’s mind flashes terrifying images of particularly cruel people in their life. They shake the memories away. “Never won one.”

“Fair enough.” He pauses, taking a moment to watch Koda spin slowly, taking in the whole sky. “You like stars?”

“Love ‘em.”

“They’re cool,” he agrees, obviously less enthusiastic about the subject than Koda is.

They looks over at him and scoff. “You can’t even see them.”

“Shit, come for my throat why don’t ya. I’ll have you know that for all the ginormous flaming balls of exploding gas out there, they sure look disappointing as fuck in the sky down here. So what I imagine the sky to look like right now and what it _actually_ looks like are two extremely different things. Opposite ends of the spectrum, I’m telling you. I look up, and in my mind’s eye, I see a gazillion planets and stars and galaxies, and that shit blows my mind. If I take my shades off, I’ll only see tiny pinpricks of light up there, which is hella pathetic.”

Koda laughs, of course. “You’re right. Wish I could see that.” They close their eyes and try to visualize what he’s describing. Clouds of red and orange and purple - star nurseries they’re called - spill across the sky in their head. Stars brightly poke through every visible inch of darkness, planets and moons of insane sizes and colors and patterns are scattered across their view, comets and shooting stars fly around. Dave watches in amusement as a smile grows on Koda’s lips, and they start looking around and giggling as if they see incredible things. His heart tugs in a way that’s very hard to deny, even for him, the king of denial.

In a flash, they lose their balance, their feet tripping over one another. As they stumble back and flail their arms out, Dave is there catching them in no time at all. He holds their arm and back, steadying them as they regain their footing.

“Fuck, thanks dude,” they breathe, body returning to its hyper-aware-of-where-there-is-physical-contact state.

“No problem,” he says, sounding just as out of breath for some reason. Without another word (which is surprising in itself), Dave drops his arms and shoves his hands in his pockets. This time it’s him who turns away and ducks his head shyly. He walks over to the a/c unit again, Koda following behind. They arrive on the side opposite of the mountain-sized puppet orgy, and Dave leans back against the metal. He slides down the wall until he’s sitting on the ground, one leg stretched out, one leg bent up, with his arm resting on it cool-kid style. Koda follows suit, sitting a foot to his left, fighting the urge to curl up into the ball that they usually sit in. So they just sit with their legs crossed, and pick at some pebbles on the ground between their legs. Dave looks out at the city skyline.

“It was nice of Rose to drive us around,” Koda offers, not knowing what else to say, scared to bring up the elephant on the rooftop.

“Mhm,” Dave hums in agreement.

“Do you drive?” They didn’t think this question through enough, which will soon come around and bite them in the ass.

“Yessirrie. I learned how, got my license and everything. But I can’t afford a car, and Bro would smite me where I stood if I ever touched his.”

“So how’d you practice?”

“John’s dad is real nice,” he shrugs. “I mean, have you met the guy? So goddamn hospitable and fatherly it makes me weep.”

“Can’t say I have,” they laugh.

“What about you? Have you made some vehicle your bitch yet?” There it is. Past the dumb phrasing is the question that Koda dreaded.

“Nope,” they say with another, but smaller, laugh. They didn’t want to get into this conversation, though they should’ve had the foresight to see that asking a question usually gets it asked back to you. And the next question will be asking why not, won’t it?

“Right, I get that.” What?

“You do?”

“Yeah. I’d be scared shitless too.” There’s a moment of silence where it sinks in.

“You know.” It’s not a question, but it begs for clarification.

“About your folks? Yeah.” He must see Koda racking their brain, a question remaining unspoken on their lips, which he goes ahead and answers. “Shit was all over the news, yo.” He realizes this must sound insensitive. “Sorry,” he mumbles obligingly.

Koda waves their hand, sick of the empty and pointless apology everyone gives. They don’t want to ask this, but they need to know, or else their anxiety will make up the worst possible answers. “W-Was it a thing? Like, i-in school?”

“No idea. Believe it or not I’m not much of the class gossip.” Well, that won’t keep their mind from formulating what the answer could be.

Dave’s heart weighs heavy with regret. He thinks back to when it happened over the summer. He had wished he had a way to contact Koda and check in on them, and he had told himself that he would do it first thing when he saw them at school in August. But when he finally did see them, they looked so different. Happy, comfortable, and downright hot. He had let his dumb feelings and confusion about the feelings get in the way of him being a good friend. Or any sort of friend, really.

“Right, yeah,” they say, bringing him out of his guilty memories. He changes the subject.

They talk some more, avoiding the topic of Koda’s parents. They start with small talk, but it quickly slips into a nice feelings jam about their respective brothers, social lives, and fears. Dave brings back up what Rose had said about Koda seeing sounds. Finally comfortable enough to talk about it (since their audience population has dwindled to 1), Koda goes a bit deeper into it. They explain how they just thought it was a thing that everyone experienced, since there are some phrases that everyone uses that are like synesthesia, such as sadness described as “feeling blue” and so on. Without him needing to ask, Koda informs Dave that his voice is red, which he makes a comment about matching his aesthetic which he works very hard to maintain (“_even going so far as to rewire your brain mechanics to make sure my very words taste like goddamn cherries when I speak_”). Dave concludes that seeing sounds is the coolest super power, much cooler than his own which is being able to tell exactly what time it is at any given moment. Koda tests him on this, and he passes, correctly guessing without hesitation that it’s 11:42. Koda also tells Dave that synesthesia isn’t a super power, even a mundane one like his is. He disagrees, goes on a rant, and convinces Koda that is is a power that is indeed super.

“Oh shit, I should get you in on my music.”

“Your music?”

“Yeah man, I mix beats that are so fucking fire I have to buy fire extinguishers in bulk. Costco must think I have the weirdest fetish. Really though, you could tell me if my tracks look sweet, or whatever.”

“I mean, I could try? Most music looks really pretty to me.”

“Dude I gotta know what my tracks look like now, oh my god. Please tell me you’ll listen to them.”

“Like, r-right now?”

“No, though I really fucking wish we could. My turntables are in my room, and to get to there we’d have to pass over the troll bridge where my bro tricks little kids into throwing themselves into the water. And if they don’t drown first, he gobbles them up like the vore freak that he is.” Koda blinks a few times in confusion, then laughs as they remember to take almost none of what he says at face value.

The thought of being in Dave’s bedroom listening to music he made sends their cheeks reddening again. But then they think of how he’d be expecting a detailed description of what it looks like, and Koda’s never been good at describing sounds, let alone full-on songs which have a dozen lights and colors swirling around in different ways all at once. Plus, music they haven’t heard before is unfamiliar enough that their eyes and hands want to follow every sound. Imagining themselves stimming and looking around at music in front of Dave is embarrassing enough to make them shrink in on themselves a little. But the topic passes without a specific time or date set to listen to such jams, and Koda loosens back up.

At some point, Dave casually takes off his shades. This leads to Koda’s eyes staying off his face, but allows Dave to take in Koda in their entirety. Their sleeves are rolled up showing thin, pale arms. Their bowtie is crooked, their shoes are scuffed, and some bits of hair are sticking out at odd directions. _Koda looks so handsome like this_, he silently lets himself think for the first time.

One of Dave’s fears related to such thoughts is another topic he seems to be dancing around, and Koda is sick of leaving it off the table.

“Dave,” they start quietly, addressing their hands which lay in their lap, since they can’t look at him when they ask this, “d-do you want to talk about what happened earlier, o-outside the diner?”

The blonde opens his mouth, preparing to ask clarification and string a metaphor along that he plans to be so long that it will derail this train of conversation, but he just lets out a puff of air instead.

“What was it about?” Koda presses a bit further, preparing to back off if they push it too far.

“Shit, I’m sorry you saw that,” he mumbles, running his hand through his hair in embarrassment.

“That isn’t an answer,” they blurt out. They backtrack. “S-Sorry, that was mean.”

“No, no,” he lets out a nervous laugh. “You’re right. I just don’t know if I want to get into it with you.”

Koda nods in understanding, falling silent again. Dave looks over at them, heart tugging, mind yelling all sorts of things that contradict each other. His heart wins.

He gets into it with them.

He tells Koda that he has certain feelings that he doesn’t want to face in case they tell him something big about himself. He notably doesn’t mention when or why these feelings started, and avoids straight up saying “gay” or “liking boys”. He dances around it as best as he can while also trying to get his thoughts out. Koda listens closely the whole time, at one point wondering how they went from rarely speaking to this kid to sitting on a roof with him listening to him have a sexuality crisis. While Koda can pick out a few reasons why Dave seems to deny these feelings of his, one stands out: he doesn’t want it to be his whole identity. He wants to be more than the gay kid.

“Dave,” they start once he finally pauses his rambles. He looks at them, and Koda finds themselves looking into his eyes for the first time. Huh, I guess they match his aesthetic too. They’re extremely pretty... They swallow and try to focus on him, not their feelings for him. “Describe Rose to me in three words.”

The command seems to catch him slightly off-guard, but he leans back and looks at the sky, thinking of each word. “Goth. Snobby. Understanding.”

“Now do the same about Roxy.”

He thinks again for a moment. “Energetic. Friendly. Flirtatious.”

“Now Dirk.”

“Controlling. Overbearing. Intelligent.”

“Interesting. Now see, what you didn’t say for them was lesbian, nonbinary, and gay. There’s more to their characters. They are full fleshed-out, three-dimensional human beings who are more than their identities. And so are you.” Dave takes a deep breath, and they continue, fidgeting with the buttons on their shirt. “You also seem scared of the word gay. For yourself, I mean. You know there’s other words for if you like girls too, like bisexual, pansexual, polysexual…”

“Oh trust me, dude. Rose has sent me lists upon lists of all these different labels, probably expecting one to feel right. When I find up, the heavenly angel choir will start up, and Rose can finally fucking call me something.”

“What about just your name?”

“What, Davesexual? I mean I know I got a pretty rockin' bod but I'm not-”

“What? No. I'm saying, you don’t need a label, some word that describes the exact kind of people you’re interested in in any sort of way. You can just be... you. Not gay, straight, bi, any of that. You're just Dave.” Dave opens his mouth, then closes it. Of all the times he sat and thought about this, talked it over with Rose, or made shameful google inquiries, he had never considered this as an option. Koda figures that this is a good way to work their little coming-out into the conversation too. “Like with me. I’m not, um, a boy, really. I’m just Koda.”

He looks over at them. They won’t meet his gaze. “Wait, you’re nb?”

“I’m just me,” they shrug. “You can do that too, with your sexuality. You just like who you like.”

“Rose said that ‘liking whoever you like’ is called pansexual. Here I was thinking that meant that they pop a boner whenever they look into a kitchen cupboard.” Ha ha like I’ve never heard that one before, Koda’s pan mind thinks.

“There’s a lot of definitions for a lot of different things. It’s a feeling, whatever you feel fits you best. If that word works, great. If another works better, awesome. If none work, that’s perfectly fine too.” They feel his stare. “I-It’s just something to consider.”

There’s a moment of silence. Dave thinks it over. No word seems to fit him, and he doesn’t know if that’s just fear and denial covering up the good feelings, or if they just aren’t meant to describe him. Koda wonders if what they’re saying will have any impact on him. They’re choosing their words carefully, in case this very conversation affects the rest of his life as far as his sexual identity goes.

“Did you feel like this? Wanting to take these thoughts, crumble them up into a ball, bake them into a pie, eat the pie, shit it out, watch it decompose, then set the ground on fire where it was buried?” Koda laughs. When and why did this metaphorical shit get buried?

“I mean, yeah. But it was different.” Dave watches them talk, eager to learn and understand. “When I found out about these feelings and labels and stuff, it felt right. I had no problem seeing myself as… not a girl. It was incredibly freeing, actually. But it was everyone around me holding me back. I had no support system. I ended up in a similar position to yours, where I was begging the stars to make me feel okay as just a girl who likes guys. Or at least make me want to be feminine so I could hide it better.” They take a deep breath, their mind swirling in flashbacks to particularly rough nights. “But that was because I knew no one wanted me to be who I am, besides me.” They look over at Dave, keeping eye contact as best they can. “You have the support of your friends, they want you to be happy with yourself. Use that.”

Surprisingly, Dave breaks the eye contact first, looking down to gently tug on a thread hanging from his suspenders.

“I don’t know about your bro, though. But, hey, he doesn’t need to know about your romantic adventures or your sex life, so that’s something you can address later down the road if it ever comes up.” Dave lets out a long, shaking breath. That had apparently been what he was thinking about, what he was fearing.

Koda tries to keep going, to help unspool the tangled balls of yarn that are his thoughts. “You know you like girls, right?”

“I've liked some, yeah. Almost all of which John stole from me at one point or another. Damn his dorky charm.”

“And you know you like… people that aren’t girls?”

“I think so? I mean, I’m not like entirely fucking certain. I’ve caught myself burning holes into some guy’s ass with my eyes because he was wearing real fly skinny jeans, thinking that an androgynous kid had plump lips that looked just ripe for smooching, and suggesting some brojobs with from Egbert only half ironically. But all guys do those things, right?”

Koda bursts out laughing.“I don’t think they do, Dave!” They take a second to compose themselves, but keep giggling. “Also, holy shit, you want to suck off _John??_”

“No!” he shouts. “Wherever would you get that idea from? Sweet Mother Theresa on the hood of a Mercedes Benz, Koda, have some decency.” This just sends Koda into more fits of laughter. “It’s just, like, when you’re confused as all hell about your feelings on guys, and there’s one dude in your inner social circle, you get, um, thoughts, and FUCK I am not talking about this with you right now.”

“Dude,” they sputter out once they finally catch their breath, “I don’t know how were so ‘confused’. Those are really gay thoughts. Like one hundred percent yes homo.”

“What? No way. Het guys have _gotta_ be thinking the same shit. You should see the guy’s locker room, they- actually, what happens in the locker room stays in the locker room. I made a pact, a vow of silence, sealed with blood and other bodily fluids, I hope you understand. Just imagine a bunch of straight guys doing shit that wouldn’t look so straight from someone new to the scene.”

“Oh god, I do not want to imagine that! Ew!” There they go into laughter again. This boy has a way with words that gets to Koda every single time.

The laughter fades, and Dave returns to his goal of getting some answers, as if Koda is his personal "How To Be Queer - For Dummies" book. He also has another goal in mind, but isn't sure how to approach it, or if it even has a chance of happening at all.

“How do I know? For sure?”

“That you like a gender?”

“Mhm.”

“I mean, one person isn’t a representation of the whole thing, obviously. You might like one guy or girl once, and no one else from that group ever again. But, shit, I don’t know. Actually doing things like dating, kissing, whatever, usually helps to be certain about feelings regarding individual people.” I’m literally telling my crush to try dating other guys, what am I doing? God, shut up, as if you had a chance anyway.

The feeling of fingers gently at the base of their head makes Koda jump in surprise. Dave quickly jerks his hand back, mumbling a string of apologies and curses.

“I-It’s fine, j-just didn’t expect that. Did I have something in my hair?” The two meet eyes again. Dave’s are wide, and his cheeks seem dusted with pink.

“Uh,” His uncertainty is all Koda needs to fall into understanding. Wait, what? What? No, no way. No fucking way. “Shit, it’s a really dumb idea, but I was thinking now’s as good a time as any to figure this shit out? I mean, no time like the present, meteors might plummet to this particular building and kill us at any moment, yolo and all that…”

“Figure… _what?_ What?” It’s so painfully obvious, but Koda seems to have caught the deniability bug.

Dave swallows thickly, and drops his voice to a near-whisper. “Can I kiss you?”

Every emotion slams into Koda’s mind all at once, so they quickly put a big fat filter over the rest of the world and their own thoughts, only letting themselves feel. They feel themselves nod, they feel his hand return slowly and gently to the back of their neck, they feel his breath close on their face, and they feel his lips. They’re soft and wet; he had probably licked them in nervous preparation. They’re much warmer than Koda had imagined, as well, setting their whole body alight with flames under their skin. The kiss simultaneously lasts a millisecond, years, and also about two and a half seconds (that’s the one that exists in reality). Dave pulls away first, and drops his hand. Koda’s body is flooded with the feeling of being cold, even though it’s still about 70 degrees outside. Koda’s eyes flutter open to see Dave staring at them. His face is so hard to read, even with his shades long since discarded. Koda stares into wide scarlet eyes.

“U-Uh,” Koda begins shakily, their voice emerging as a squeak. They clear their throat and look down at the floor, fearing the worst since he isn’t saying anything. “S-Sorry if that wasn’t, um, a-a good, like, example? You probably should’ve t-tried with, uh, a real guy.”

“And what are you, a paper mache replica of one?” He’s trying and failing at keeping his voice steady. It cracked on the second syllable, and Koda’s heart leaps at the thought of flustering the ever-chill Strider. “I just thought that the angle was wack. Here, come here.” He gently picks up Koda’s legs and swings them over so that they’re draped over his lap, and he pulls Koda closer to him so their butt is against his hip. Koda puts up no resistance or complaints, trusting Dave and letting him hold them however he wants. They wrap their arms around his neck, and notice hundreds of tiny freckles scattered just below his eyes.

“Is this okay?” he asks once he deems Koda’s new position acceptable. His left hand supports Koda’s back, while his right rubs calming little circles on their knee with his thumb. Koda can only nod, no longer trusting their voice. “Are you sure? I don’t want to be making you all uncomfortable and shit.”

“You’re not, I promise,” they breathe out, barely audible. But Dave’s eyes are focused on Koda’s lips, so he reads the words flawlessly.

“By the way, these hands,” he taps both of them twice where they are, “are staying right where they are, so don’t worry about that. I’m sure as hell not the type to try to cop a hefty feel during the first kiss. I mean, this one,” he drums the fingers of his left hand against their back, “might go into your hair or something, if that’s cool with you. It’s so pink, bro, it’s killing me.”

“That’s fine!” they say way too eagerly, wincing at the octave that their voice just skyrocketed into. Dave smirks, adoring seeing how shy little Koda looks when in this sort of situation. Koda clears their throat and tries again. “Yeah, j-just think about how you’re kissing a... a guy, and how that, uh, makes you feel. Shoulda s-said that before.” Dave nods, still smiling.

Koda feels his smile press against their lips again, and they practically melt. This was an absolutely lovely change in position, kudos to Dave on that idea. This kiss immediately feels different too, as his lips start moving against theirs instead of just holding still against them. Koda returns the rhythmic movements. Koda’s had their fair share of kisses and even make-out sessions, so this is not new to them, but it’s so much better to do it with a long-time crush of theirs and not some fling they had that ended in horror. Dave opens and closes his mouth expertly against Koda’s, his left hand sliding up into their hair as promised (luckily there’s not any gel in the short hairs on the back of their head, so he only feels the soft fuzz), while his right hand squeezes their knee just barely, probably without even meaning to. They shiver at the sensations, each touch warming their insides like hot chocolate on a winter day.

Koda attempts to clear out the fog in their head enough to try out some tricks, like nibbling gently on his lower lip, which makes him gasp softly, causing jolts of electricity to race up Koda’s spine. They feel goosebumps rising, their skin heating in an all-over blush, and they think they might dissolve into stardust right then and there.

After a glorious few minutes (which Koda would think is an absurdly long time for someone to figure out if the thought of it is appealing to them, if they could think at all right now), they pull their mouths away. They stay where they are in all other aspects, and rest their foreheads together, eyes remaining closed as they just share the air for a while. Both are breathing shuddering breaths, trying to comprehend what’s happening and what’s to come, but also trying not to think at all and just feel. Koda pulls Dave into a hug, as is their usual reflex post-first-kiss, and holds him caringly. They go to kiss his cheek, but their lips land closer to his ear, and they feel him shiver.

The two pull away properly now, save for their hands which remain where they are, and look into each other’s eyes. Koda can’t stop themselves from blurting out, “W-Was that just you figuring out if you like guys, or…?”

He breaks out into laughter, with a lot of his walls that hold him back thoroughly crumbled for the time being. “Oh my fucking god, you’re such an adorable idiot, Koda.” They look shocked to hear this. “It’s you, genius! You who flipped my world all topsy-turvy when you came out ‘cause I thought my dumb little crush for you would go away but _it didn’t_, no thanks to you looking even hotter as a guy. You thoroughly wrecked the last year of my life just by being a guy I had feelings for. You fucked my life so hard it couldn’t walk for 15 solid months. Like, come on, you’re a real jerk for existing the way that you keep doing.”

“I-I don’t know if I should be insulted, or say I’m sorry…?” This just makes Dave laugh again.

“Neither, you attractive piece of shit.” And with that, he leans in for more heart-melting kisses.

~

A few hours of kissing and talking later, they realize that it’s much too late for any means of getting Koda home. Rose is sleeping, Dave doesn’t have a car, Koda’s brother wouldn’t come to get them in pretty much any circumstance, buses aren’t running, and Koda lives too far for walking. So they decide on sleeping under the stars. Dave leaves the rooftop, promising to return with sleeping bags, a tent (which Koda insists on, without mentioning their phobia of bugs crawling on them while they sleep), pajamas, and grade-A diabetes-causing snacks. He heads back inside the building, cracking open the door to his apartment and sneaks in as silently as he can. Besides fighting skills, living with his Bro has taught him skills like being fast and agile.

In his room, he changes quickly into sweatpants and a t-shirt, rinses and combs his hair, brushes his teeth, and gathers up what he’ll need in a duffel bag he found in his closet. The last thing he needs is snacks, then he can bounce.

He enters the kitchen and turns on a small light above the sink. He had put his glasses back on before descending, and there’s too many sharp weapons in the kitchen for him to attempt to navigate it with his hands. Soft light floods the room, illuminating countertops, a microwave, a fridge, and Bro leaning casually against it. Dave doesn’t jump (after years of “don’t flinch” games), but his heart does leap into his throat.

“Running away already?” he says, voice as low and monotone as ever. Dave just tries to keep looking through cupboards, gathering snacks as he finds them. Too many of the cabinets include smuppets, on display or in piles. “And stealing my Oreos? I’m hurt, bro.” Lil’ Cal comes from nowhere to slap Dave’s hand away from the off-brand cookies.

“Just hanging on the roof tonight. Don’t bother me, okay?” He knows it’s risky to talk to him like that, but he really _really_ doesn’t want Koda to get caught up in a bro-v-bro strife.

“What’s her name?” Bro asks, without any hint of really being curious. Dave ignores him and rolls his eyes, and even though he’s faced away and has his shades on, Bro can still tell somehow. “Heard y’all outside the door. You ain’t slick.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Dave turns, ready to leave, but Bro stands near the only exit of the kitchen, casually holding his katana.

“I just gotta know this lady’s name for when the wedding starts and I need to hoist you and her up on some chair-”

“Him.” Dave was really not ready to do this right now, but he can’t stop himself.

“What?”

“He’s waiting for me. Can I go now?” There’s a pause, and Dave wishes that for once he could know what Bro was thinking, or what he was about to do. He doesn’t really want to have to clean up blood while Koda’s alone on the roof.

“Dave,” he starts, and the younger boy knows he’s in real deep shit because his name never graces the lips of his guardian, “do you like dudes?”

Dave’s anger bubbles up before he can stop it, but he’s able to keep just enough of a handle on it to have the words come out in a monotone rush instead of shouts. “What the fuck does it matter can you please let me fucking leave so I can enjoy this goddamn beautiful starry night? The Van motherfucking Gogh in me is aching to get a move on.”

Incredibly enough, Bro puts his katana away. That’s probably his way of saying “fine”, or at least “we’ll deal with this later”. At least the dude has some courtesy.

Dave walks past him, resisting the urge to run as fast as humanly possible out the door. As he crosses Bro’s path, he hears him mumble.

“_Glad you finally joined the fuckin’ club._”

Dave stops in his tracks

Wait.

What?


End file.
